My voice is gone.

Journal Entry No. 8

Have you ever prayed for something so hard,

I mean really, really prayed with all your heart and soul, 

and not have it answered?

Before he lets me go.

Journal entry no. 07
We arrived at the hospital around noon and my dad was the first to go in. When he came out, it was my turn. 
It's tough when you see someone you love near death and for a while my dad wasn't going to let me see her. His mother, my grandmother. I told him everything was going to be ok, there was no way my grandmother could die and that it was important to let me go. I could handle this. Life is about letting go. Adversity makes you stronger. All these things I learned from watching 'The Lifetime Network' and 'Oprah' with my grandmother, who was also my baby-sitter and best friend. 
I remember that time before he let me go. His long hug. That brief moment before I crossed the line and left my childhood behind. Had I have known that my innocence counted for nothing, my grandma would still pass away, the 'Lifetime channel' is actually run by male-bashing lesbians and 'Oprah' would eventually end, I'd of stayed in his arms a little bit longer.

I love my dad's car.

Journal entry no. 06

I love my dad's car! It's a '73 Gremlin. A classic! It breaks down a lot and my dad's always banging on the steering wheel. The air doesn't work and there's this smell from the heater that ...well... did I mention it's a classic?! The stares we get from people as we cruise on by in our classic ride make up for the occasional up keep and unusual odors we have to endure. However, on this day, even the classic jams from the Gremlin's AM radio couldn't cheer me up.

I hate dressing up.

Journal entry no. 05

Yup, that's me Billy E. Whitman and I hate getting dressed up. Every time I get dressed up like this it means I'm going to something depressing or sad or boring. This particular time however, I didn't mind. I was getting ready to visit my grandmother in the hospital. She was very sick and I  was so worried that I didn't even remember tying my tie. Impressive, considering that I wore penny loafers because I still can't tie my own shoes. It's amazing the things you can do when you're not thinking.

Little boy's lose everything.

Journal entry no. 04

Just a little note here: St Elsewhere is actually the patron saint of longshoremen and bowlers but unofficially is the patron saint of medical drama actors. My grandma believed St. Elsewhere was one of those lost causes saints, helping those who had nowhere else to turn to. Honestly, I think she thought St. Elsewhere might intercede for her and get her a walk on roll on 'Grey's Anatomy'.  She says, and I quote; "That 'McDreamy' has a cute butt!"

The Day Breaks

Journal entry no. 47
I met Pablo Cordova in the worst year of my life. I was seven, my parents divorced and worst of all, the only person that ever understood me, my Nana, had passed away.

One time I caught Pablo talking to himself.  There was no one around and he was arguing with the air! Just thinking about it gives me the willies! If you were to tell me that a year from now, this lunatic would become as near and dear to me as my Nana, I'd probably tell you to go jump off your taco shell and sit on a chile!